Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
