Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
