do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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