I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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