I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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