Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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