i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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