Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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