i jhust puked up my retainher.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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