Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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