he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
