just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
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I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
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This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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