Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
