ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
