Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
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It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
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Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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