Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
we're chasing vodka with high fives
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
