I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
