I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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