I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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