Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it was like eating out sand paper
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
