I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
