I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
