So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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