It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I fill condoms, not promises.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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