I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
