I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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