i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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