You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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