life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
