I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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