So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
