Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
