Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
