I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
