He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
