make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
