Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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