dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
