the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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