the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.