It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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