if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
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We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
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I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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