Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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