If i come over, it means nothing
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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