yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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