I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
