Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
