All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We were destined to go to rehab together
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
