Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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