I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
