You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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