I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
