hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere