Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
