She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
