watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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