Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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