K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
