i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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